With Christmas season in full swing, us loss families are barely making it through. The next few weeks are going to be filled with more emotions than we know what to do with. Kind of like every other day after your baby dies but now slap music and cookies on top of it.
For many of us, this is the first major holiday without our baby. For the rest of us, holidays are still a time of utter disbelief that we are missing such a huge part of us.
There's so many ways that as a non-loss person you can help support someone that is experiencing the holidays without their baby/babies. Some of them cost money, but honestly, most of them are totally free and mean so much to us.
Include baby/babies on holiday card- For loss families, this sounds like a no-brainer. But, this is something that a lot of people don't think about. When you're sending out those holiday cards, make sure you include the angel baby. Just because they aren't here physically, does not mean they aren't still our children. If you wouldn't send a card to a friend and exclude one of their living children, don't exclude ours just because they're dead.
Save a seat at the table- A super simple way to show a loss family you are thinking of their baby. Whether you are eating your holiday meal together or not, setting up a nice little spot at the table for the baby is a grand gesture. Print out a photo and puta little Santa hat on the frame! It doesn't have to be extravagant.
Send a letter to the baby for their stocking- A lot of loss parents collect letters and holiday cards for their babies' stockings. Find out of this is something they would want and take part in it. Even if you use a piece of scrap paper and just tell the baby you love and miss them; it gives us something to put in the stockings when they would have otherwise remained empty.
Check in- This is another thing that seems like it would be a no-brainer, but we are very rarely checked in on as the months and years go by. People get wrapped up in their lives and their own children that we are often left behind while we are missing ours. A simple "I know today is hard, I love you" text goes a long way.
Do something in the baby's name- If you're close enough to the family to be reading this blog post, odds are you were going to buy the baby a gift for Christmas. Still do that. But instead, make a donation to a pregnancy and infant loss foundation or some other kind of donation in the baby's name. Make sure you send something to the parents so they know you did this!
Hang an ornament on your tree- Another super easy and cheap idea. Go to the dollar store and get an ornament that reminds you of the baby, take a sharpie and write their name on the ornament, hang it on the tree and send a pic to the baby's parents. The cost of the ornament doesn't matter. It's the fact that you went out of your way to include our baby in your holiday that means so much to us.
Invite us- But also respect that we might not come. We aren't diseased or contagious. It often feels like people think we are. We are avoided, our loss is avoided, talking about our baby is avoided. Keep inviting us and keep talking to us. But, respect that we might have to set boundaries to protect our own hearts.
Drop off a meal- If you know the loss parents are staying home and not doing anything for the holidays, drop off a meal. Don't ask, just do. More often than not we do not ask for help. If it is offered, we will likely turn it down because we don't want to feel like a burden. Just drop off an easy meal that we can freeze if we want to!
We just want to know that you are always remembering our babies with us.
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