The idea of these angel baby boxes came to me through the loss community. Once I created my Rainbows for Makenna Instagram page, I began following a bunch of different loss moms and families and a lot of them had something in common: giving back.
I have always wanted to be the person that could give other people tons of things I just can't afford. So, while setting up Rainbows for Makenna I was thinking this could be so much more than just bringing awareness to miscarriage and baby loss. This can be about giving back to the people who experience these things.
I started a list.
There were so many things on this list. It was a mess of different ideas, things scribbled out, things scribbled out and then rewritten, doodles of crafts, all sorts of things.
The idea of the angel baby boxes came to me when I saw a few other loss moms giving grieving boxes to their hospitals. I didn't like the idea of it being a "grieving box". When we left the hospital without Makenna, that's what the hospital gave us. A small blue box with some generic information, her name tag from her omnibed, her wrist band, and her little knitted hat. That is a grieving box. A box instead of a baby. A box with things they had to pull together because our baby only lived for 4 days so we don't have many tangible memories.
I wanted something to give to parents so they know they aren't alone.
Leaving the hospital alone with just Trevor, was one of the most painful things I've ever done. I know we had our family and friends, the social workers, and doctors. But, I still felt so alone. I wanted to play on this feeling.
If I could give grieving parents something to hold on to. A little piece of hope for when they are ready that when that time comes, they aren't alone. There are people that feel exactly what they are feeling. We are a community of moms without babies. And we are a beautiful community. We all belong to the shittiest club to ever exist, but we have the most amazing members.
I can't tell you how many amazing women I have spoken to. I have read all of these stories about these beautiful babies that either were born too early like Makenna and didn't make it, were miscarried like my first two babies, babies that were so dearly wanted but had illnesses that made it too painful for them to survive outside the womb, or babies that were born but never took a breath. It is all heart breaking to read. But, every single one of us moms are there for each other. We all know what the other is feeling. We don't judge each other for breakdowns in public places. We hold space in our heart for each other when family or friends have to be written off. We encourage each other to mute those pregnant profiles on social media. We praise each other for small victories-like vacuuming, or getting dressed, even taking a shower. We virtually hold each other while we are hurting. The list goes on. We truly are just a community that truly cares for each other. Most of us have never met and we know things about each other that people that know us personally just don't understand.
This. This is what I want to bring to families as they are leaving the hospital without a baby in their arms. I want them to know that when they are ready, the loss mom community is here waiting for them with open arms.
We want to know your baby's name. We want to know all about your pregnancy and each precious second you spent with your baby. We want to know what you were doing when you found out you were pregnant. We want to know what kind of real life support you have and point you in the direction of even more. We want to encourage you to heal however the fuck you need to with no judgement from any of us.
So angel baby boxes came to mind. Starting with a handwritten card letting the parents know all of this. Their heart is breaking. I know. I live it every single day. But, there are people to lean on that know how it feels. Books to help you learn how to connect with your baby even though they aren't earth side. A rainbow to signify hope. A journal to write down all of those messy feelings. Flower seeds to create life from loss. And hopefully, a friend.
In just 24 hours I have gotten enough donations to be able to put together about 20 angel baby boxes. For perspective, that's about $1200. In just 24 hours.
Imagine what I can do in the upcoming months and years? This isn't a temporary thing. I want this to be lifelong. I want to bring awareness and help to loss families in Makenna's name for the rest of my life.
This is Makenna's dream. I am simply just doing it for her.
If you would like to help me help others, here are my venmo and a link to my amazon wish list:
Katie-Golub-1
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3MJ13ZN1OBG8P?ref_=wl_share&fbclid=IwAR0DbqHTFTRktubn2QK1bjtrH1hs5Pwx9B5M12x7ek6sXK6HOU3nC7WKe_0
Comments