October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month with October 15th being awareness day.
This is not a day for us. We are acutely aware every single day of our lives that this exists. This is for the people that have not endured the trauma and heartbreak of losing their babies. This is for the people that are blissfully unaware of the shitty side of statistics and how many people are outliving their children.
Every year at 7pm there is an international wave of light.
The idea behind this is that for 24 hours there is a constant light linking heaven and earth and honoring all of the babies that did not get to stay.
I knew I wanted to light up my house for all of the babies. I wanted to light up the world. The world didn't hear me, but I know the babies did.
173 bags.
196 babies.
Makenna
Her 2 siblings.
My own sibling.
My friends' babies.
The babies of mamas who have become my friends.
Babies that have died over 20 years ago.
Babies that died just a few weeks ago.
Each one loved.
Each one wanted.
Each one missed.
Makenna,
I will never stop saying your name. I will never stop sharing you and your spirit. I will love you and honor you and be the best mommy I know how.
Baby G and Lil B,
I love you and I'm sorry you didn't get to stay. I will continue to fight for mamas to feel safe to announce their early pregnancies like I did with you.
To Baby 96, the sibling I never got to know, but feel like I do now, I hope feel our love and know that times were different back then. We are fighting for you and honoring you the way you deserve.
To the other 169 Babies,
I am sorry your name is on a bag and not a plaque hanging above your crib. I am honored to know you and promise to remember you right alongside your mamas and daddys. Each of you have very special parents and they love you endlessly.
To all of my fellow loss parents,
Thank you for sharing your babies with me. I will never take that privilege for granted.
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